Yesterday was one of those days that couldn't have possibly gone any worse, dare I say. It has left me in the mind set that everything is about to come crashing down on me. It's amazing how you can go from one day where you are on top of the world to complete depression. Today I didn't even feel like i existed. I am so use to doing things on my own, and taking care of others that I've lost all sense of direction in my own life. What it is i'm shooting for and how to get there, or even if i am going to get there. I fight and fight everyday to have a decent life style and a degree, but sometimes it feels as though though things will never come around. Good things come to those who wait... well i'm tired of that. I have waited and all that i find myself doing is going against the grain for nothing. For something that has taken so long to get and has never got here. I don't exist. I feel as though i'm not actually here and that everything around me is just an illusion of some kind. that nobody really knows me or has ever known me and that i have never actually been on this planet. I feel like bruce willis in the sixth sense. What do i do? well i guess it's time to go to bed and get my 2 hrs of sleep before another day of school, work, and studying... Will those days ever end?????? that's what i'm working towards, be ashame if i never made it there wouldn't it????
April 28th, 2010
April 20th, 2010
I was thinking earlier today about a random dream I had years ago. Nothing important in it. but it was so vivid that it is one of those things that sticks with you, that you will never forget. Why do those things stick? What is it about certain events that cause them to be embedded in your memory for the rest of your life? Tonight was one of those nights that will be there for a very long time. Thanks Theresa for taking me up to the top of the parking structure. The view of campus in the night made me realize the things in life that i love. to live in the moment isn't always a good thing, but tonight i did it and it felt great! My head feels cleared for the most part, and hopefully it will carry over into the rest of the week and finals.
June 21st, 2009
I've found that there are two ways you can go in life. that's either the direction that your head takes you or the direction that your heart takes you. funny thing of this is, i've always been a pretty logical guy when it comes to making decision about things. but honestly that is not true. Lately i've caught myself following my heart instead of doing what my head tells me. Following your head is the smartest thing you can possibly do. Your heart is going to go where it wants, and lots of people think it's romantic to chase after it. Ok well it is.... but the point i'm making is that you'll have less head aches in life if you just do what you know is right, and we learned at a young age what the difference between right and wrong is. So do i know what i want??? to some extent i do, to another i'm not sure. either way i'm fine with it. My head is telling me to be single and ulitimately figure out what it is you want that way. but we will see. my heart says stay with danie. My head says grow up.....
June 9th, 2009
This summer is wierder then 08. That's saying a lot. I need to find away to become myself, and i'm not sure what it is that is going to get me out of this rut i'm feeling. This summer was supose to be Kristin Reed and I. Well we know how that turned out. People show their true colors and it's sad. Or lack of colors i guess. Now i'm with Danie Warren. From one to the other right? Not so much..... I can get over things a lot quicker now then i ever could before. Doesn't mean i need to move on a guess. Danie is a great girl and so far given me everything she said she would.
all of a sudden i can't think.........
ending this entry right now
all of a sudden i can't think.........
ending this entry right now
February 27th, 2009
It's been a long time but i think that feeling is back. I never thought i'd feel it again or believe that it even existed in the first place. but it does. it really does! I thought people grew out of it. But they don't. Is this it??? is that scary if it is? right now it's not but i can't be thinking that far ahead. I REALLY can't be thinking that far ahead! School is what's important and i'm really trying hard to keep my head on straight with it! i have a lot of time today to get caught up on things and i need to use that time. But yet i have that almost comfortable feelings inside me. Just knowing! Just knowing is amazing. knowing it exists. But focus can't be lost at all. I need to concentrate over everything else and not destroy my life that i have built. Life is going good and i really can't complain. Things just take time! some things longer then others and that's really ok! It's even better when people understand. well... back to studying
February 22nd, 2009
It's never easy to think that..... changes will happen. The reason it's not easy is because you never know what those changes are, or how they're going to affect you. Personally I believe i'm in need of a change. Things at MSU are going good so far and this semester has proven to be a test for me that overall i think i'm passing. But as always, there have been times where i feel as though i need to change something about my life. why do i need to change something? well i think we all need that every now and then. I think we need to keep our lives interesting in order to not go crazy, especially when we haven't settled down in our careers yet and we spend countless hours at the library studying on sunday nights :). Life is too short not to have fun, and looking back on when i started this journal, time has just flown by! Something new will come along in 09' and you better believe i'll log it when it does! I hope whatever it is, it's good!
February 13th, 2009
I'd have to say, I feel as though this semester is going a lot better then the first. I feel more at ease... i guess i should say. Like i belong someplace. The adjustment phase is coming to a close and i've just about found my nitch. time management is key! As of now though, i found out monday that i have two weeks left at the vet clinic. Not a big deal because i got a call yesterday from wilson hall saying that they want to bring me in for "training". i'm kind of excited because this will be my own thing. something i've brought into my life at this school that will help write the chapter in my life that is MSU. I really like it out here, the work load is getting a little heavy, having to take thermodynamics, graphic com, chem 141 (again) and statics this semester has really tested me. But i'm up for the challenge. and..... i'm up for this weekend already! bring it on!
October 21st, 2008
well to be honest i feel as though i'm getting my ass kicked out here. i can admit that! But it's an adjustment for me. i called webb up yesterday and talked to him after i missed a calc 4 review (not on purpose, nobody showed up when i heard it was). He said he's going through the same thing at george mason right now. Comforting to know that someone else is going through it too. But i need to keep my chin up. Lately i've been letting anything and everything get to me. I still need to apply to the college of engineering, and just like getting into the university, i'm going to be worried about it. No fear! i can get through this. I need this post to be here forever to remind myself of the trip i've taken from starting back up at KVCC to coming here. It is an adjustment and i knew that coming here. nothing could have prepared me for what i was in for. But i can't let that get to me. i will get through this no matter what!!! i will not let myself fail and i will come out with the degree i want from the school i'm at! i will!!!!
October 10th, 2008
It's been a long ride here, and by here i mean MSU. Looking back on all those entries I posted I realize now how important it was for me to get in here. As of right now i'm sitting in the physics department typing this entry up. Weird...... I'm here. Walking to work today i realized what an honor it is for me to be here right now. Around other people too who have the privilege to study here. It really is an honor, and I am the caliper of student for this university. If i wasn't then i wouldn't have gotten in. I have a chem exam on monday next week, and a calc 4 exam the following tuesday. Things are going good. we are almost 8 weeks into the semester now and it took me a LONG time to adjust back into the university setting. Nothing could have prepared me for what i was in store for here. But so far i'm doing it. Cheers! The long, crazy summer of 08' has come to an end. The beginning of my future however has started. 8 weeks later, here i am.
August 20th, 2008
What a ride! 3 years I've been with this company. All thw way back to training with courtney burton, to training courtney parker. Seeing joe for the first time was a memory I won't forget either. 5 different stores I've worked at now too, and leaving the people at this one is going to be hard. The best crews I had were at the mall drive store (the 1st store) and at the superstore (the last). I've noticed that since I transfered out to the superstore, I don't update this that much anymore. This summer has been beyond crazy and to be honest, worth writing about. But I think there are just somethings in life that you want to keep personal. Keep them as visual memories and not archived. With that, I'm talking about the popeople I met here. The wonderful times I spent with them. It'll be hard leaving, but I'm ready. I'm ready to turn my keys in after this shift and blast up to lansing. I know ill keep intouch with everyone....... So many memories!!! Honestly! What good people.